A (unrefined) Treatise on Macarons

So. I will confess. I did not intend to post more than once today but I have to admit that the only reason I started this again was because this summer I had absolutely nothing to do except study for this dreadful standardized test that will probably drain away my life and soul in two weeks and waste time on the internet. So I went and looked for foods online that I really really wanted to try to make once I got back to school. This included not only food blogs but also wish-list shopping on Amazon, FN.net videos, countless Youtube tutorials. Yup, I'm pretty desperate.

In my many wanderings I discovered macarons and immediately I knew I wanted to make them. But I was stuck at home, with no baking supplies and very unsupportive parents, so resigned, I waited it out on my macaron ambitions until today when I finally cracked, said "screw you" to my review books, and wrote this stupid thing on macarons. Actually I think it's kinda awesome. It's what I've surmised about macarons after two months of leisurely internet surfing and I think it's pretty entertaining to read. Note though that it's not really about recipes or flavor suggestions but mostly about really what a macaron is and what it means to people. And I apologize for many parentheses. I like making self-comments on stuff I write.

Warning: it's long and if you're not interested in macarons than forget it; go read something else.

A (unrefined) Treatise on Macarons

I have a secret confession to make. These past two months have reaffirmed something that’s been on my mind for awhile: how much I love baking. And yes, while I love sweets and eat them despite my terrible sugar withdrawals, I can’t just get over the thought of being able to create wonderful, beautiful, heavenly desserts and having people sink back and think: “holy f****** crap...” It’s simply just the most joyous, happy feeling in the world, is it not?

One good reason for all this madness is my late discovery of the most perfect dessert of all time: le macaron francais.

Here’s the thing though: I’ve never had a macaron. Never! Not a single crumb in my whole life. I don’t know what they taste like or why they’re so good. I just know that they’re only the MOST AWESOME THINGS IN THE WORLD. I mean...they are so beautiful, so perfect, so simple, so classy, so elegant, so delicious even though I’ve never tasted one; they’re pretty much my idea of the quintessential dessert-y “thing” out there, the crown jewel of the pastry world that puts everything ever created in the culinary world out there to shame. And not just that, they make bakers look like gods. I mean, I truly believe anyone can bake if they love it enough. The techniques aren’t hard and for an average baker, if you master a few things, you can make anything you want. It’s all about the recipe anyway. But to master the macaron is really a hard thing to accomplish. Ladurée has been making them for 150 years and they’re not perfect. Even though they are getting pretty close.

In principle, they’re simple. But the sad truth is...making them ain’t so pretty. Finicky and difficult, the macaron is like the most spoiled child in the world. Give it love and time, do it justice and it will blossom into such a darling princess you will want to smush it in your arms, carry it off into the sunset and proclaim it the life and breath of your bread and butter (getting very carried away...but this is so fun!) Mistreat it in any way, and it can turn on you in a heartbeat and become the Voldemort/Lord Sauron/King Joffrey/President Snow/my AP-Lit teacher of all your baking nightmares. Let me explain. All jokes aside, I have no hard feelings against Ms. V. She was probably the best teacher I have ever had.

Before you start making them, do a little research and see for yourself just how complex le Monde du Macaron is. For the record, I don’t know any French, but luckily my buddy Google does hehe ;)

First things first: there are literally millions of ways to make these little devils. There is not really one consistent recipe. There are vaguely similar methods, but there is no one foolproof way to make macarons. There are macarons that use different types of flours, different ratios of flour to sugar to meringue, different meringue methods, different macronage methods, different tray-lining methods, different piping methods, different baking methods, just different every-god-damn-thing-out-there. Even the professionals have very different ways of making them. So what do confused bakers do in this hour of woe?  They look at different recipes, pick one that suits their needs/circumstances/imagined capabilities, make them, do everything wrong, experiment with multiple batches, find out what works for them, and then magically become professional macaron-makers (macaronakers? macaroneers? is there even a word for this? because there should be). Seriously though...why does everyone have such pretty macaron pictures? What show-offs. I mean, I would totally do it too. Even if I do feel a little whirlwind of shame as I post my pictures on Instagram. Like anyone cares if you can make cookie sandwiches with wrinkly bottoms...

Second thing: there is no universal flavor of macaron. Why? Because the cookie itself is not supposed to have any real taste other than just sugar and almond. The magic comes in its infinite filling variations (and pretty colors). It’s not something like apple pie or chocolate cake or even the versatile chocolate chip cookie (you can probably add anything to and it will still be a baked mound of happiness butter and sugar), which can only taste like variations of the original. I mean, this tiny, ridiculously-overpriced cookie is a perfect blank canvas any aspiring baker. If you just look online or happen to peruse a macaron book (Pierre Herme’s is a good example) there are millions of unique and amazing flavors and flavor combinations people have come up with. I mean Pierre Hermé, the king of macarons himself came up with ketchup macarons, for heavens sake. I mean, I am not one to judge and say “that’s just gross” or anything but really? Speaking of ketchup, I don’t mind it but I don’t think it tastes good on everything. Yes, I’m talking to you (you know who you are). Stop dunking my beautiful dumplings in your cheap, commercial, tomato-crap. You are single-handedly destroying centuries of tradition. (Also I apologize in advance to anyone I just offended. I love ketchup, truly. On things it should be eaten with.)

And then there’s the process of actually making them. A fair warning first, be prepared for the earth-shattering onslaught of shittage that will probably ruin macarons for you for life. After you carefully select your recipe, honestly...after that point...there is no telling what will happen. It can all go beautifully and you won’t know why or it can go all wrong and you still won’t know why. The spoiled macaron can throw screams and tantrums like an emotionally disturbed child and just collapse into a runny, cracked mess, it can be unwaveringly stubborn and just refuse to grow feet, it can underbake, it can overbake, it can just taste like you’ve crumbled sugar in a amoeba-cookie form, it can make you look like the worst baker in the world and crush all your baking dreams. But, in spite of all its failings, once you accomplish the perfect macaron, sink your teeth into the meringue shell, and savor the soul of heaven itself, you’ll understand that it was all worth it, that you’ll forgive and forget, that you’ll keep on loving it just the same, no matter how much it sucked to fail at them.

So...aside from all the gross exaggerations about macarons, this is the general gist of what I’ve learned just reading about them (and I’ve read quite a bit about them...probably hundreds and hundreds of web pages. And watched approximately 200 Youtube videos about them. And re-watched and studied about 100 of them. Am I really this crazy? I haven’t eaten one of these little suckers yet and I’m so obsessed). Every well-established food blogger out there has attempted macarons in some way and each one has a thrilling macaron tale to tell. Just from those, I have learned a lot about what it takes to make a macaron and every possible thing that could go wrong with it. And honestly, although I’m excited to get back to school and try it out myself, I’m terrified my baking skills aren’t up to par with those who have managed to triumph over it. But that’s not why the macaron is so special.

Sure it’s delicious and sure it’s really pretty, but the one thing that separates macarons from most other desserts is the fact that every baker must go through the grueling process of learning to make them. No one has any special shortcut or is born knowing how to make them perfectly. People can be good with desserts but making macarons takes a lot of practice, like learning a difficult instrument. The fact that so many food bloggers go through the same dreadful experiences (just read their blogs!) is a sign that the macaron truly is a universal test of sorts, the quintessential “baking experience” for all aspiring bakers, stretching their patience and will to the limit. Learn how to make the macaron and you can pretty much conquer the world.

Having said that...not attempting the macaron or failing on your first try, doesn’t make you a loser at all. What I am merely saying is that after researching so much on it, the one unifying thing I have garnered is the fact that everyone struggles with them and everyone messes up but the simple truth is: it’s okay. There is a reason why they sell for $2.75 a pop at Laduree and Pierre Herme’s. The real beauty of the macaron lies not in its soft insides but in the grueling journey it took to get from powder and egg whites to your stomach. That’s what counts. And if you understand that, you’ll become a much better baker because of it. And when you do, you’ll start to see that all your macaron problems magically disappear. All will be good and green in this world again, with fluffy bunnies, rainbows, and dancing unicorns.

Beautiful picture!

The amazing Bravetart said it loud and clear when she wrote in her blog that you should “make macarons because you’ve never had one before.” Ultimately, despite whatever I said about macaron-ing being a mandatory life-changing experience and blah blah blah, it all comes back to the cookie. Make macarons because you want to eat them and share them with the world. The world, after all, needs more macarons. Think about it, we would all probably get some world peace (at last, a birthday wish granted!) if everyone shared more macarons. Don’t make macarons because you want to take Instagram photos and show off. Gather your cracked foot-less shells, sandwich them with some frosting, eat them, love them, and try again. It can only get better from there. If you want, share them with a friend, a family member, or even someone you fancy, even if they look less than perfect. Don’t apologize for anything (listen to Julia Child, people!) and I assure you, you will only get mountains of love in return (and maybe a few laughs, depending on your storytelling skills). 

Remember guys, food = love. You can love your food, your KitchenAid mixer, and your nonstick spray, but don’t forget to love the people you cook for. They are the ones that truly matter.

Now onto my own macaron journey! (in a few weeks, anyways).